Tuesday:

I have all these words in my head swimming around. I can’t go to sleep because they keep gnawing at me. They want to be set free, but they are coming faster than I can piece them together. It’s a little easier once I start writing, but there are still a million more words, sentences, phrases boiling and bubbling behind my eyes and between my ears. I am alive with this insane vibration and I don’t know what to do to stop what I am thinking. I think for one moment that I will be able to piece this all together into some sort of cohesive story or maybe even just a few sentences, but then when I sit to write, other words altogether start to come out… I don’t know where these things are coming from or where they want to go… I tried to make some music but it came out all wrong. I tried to sleep, but it didn’t happen.

I think for one moment that there is something I am missing from my life, and I think maybe there is, but then for another moment I think maybe that’s not so at all. I do believe, sometimes at least, that I may never be content with what I have… I will always want more. I have said this before a thousand times under my breath, and I am still not sure if it is true. If it is true, I believe perhaps it will be the end of me.

Categories
really old

Tuesday:

I got an interesting comment from a reader today:

Hi there I look at your photograph on web site i feel you very ugly
perhaps most ugly person who live. perhaps you try to look normal it
look like you put needles in you veins and get up. i read some of your
material and let me say it very bad and stinks! you have no brains in
fact i feel sorry for you!!! you try to be very cool but you really just
stupid and a no body.. please remove you web site from internet as it is making mess of world wide web . thank you

I couldn’t put it better myself!

Saturday:

dream.dog is still timid, but she definitely knows us now and mellows out pretty quick when we hang out with her.

She has to deal with a lot of different crazy noises happening all around her all the time. That’s sort of a hard thing to deal with for anyone. And she’s had a crazy life lately on top of that.

I think she’ll be ok.

I like to hang out with animals. Before college, I used to have animals around more. They have their own world. They don’t worry about the price of gas or the state of the stock market or any of that other stuff that really doesn’t matter. Animals are so much about the moment. You can just focus on them and what they’re doing and how they relate to you and each other… it’s relaxing, I think.

But then I go and start developing animal behavior theories and that gets in the way.

Categories
really old

Saturday:

We had a party last night. It went well. I like to see all the people really enjoying the work we put in.

It makes me sad, though, to be in a happy group of people sometimes. Sometimes I get pessimistic and I start to think about all the things the people don’t realize. I know it sounds a bit egotistical of me to assume that I know things other people don’t know… but it’s more that other people don’t seem to want to know rather than that they are unable to know.

It’s so much easier to just play dumb and close off those doors in your mind… eventually, though, you’ll find yourself alone in a single room, with nowhere to go… and that’s what causes people to lash out. It’s just like a trapped animal.

But, having a huge array of open rooms to wander around in isn’t necessarilly any better… especially if you’re alone while doing it.

Tuesday:

I finished my big project for the month!
I was working on one stupid thing for soooo long.
I thought I’d never finish!
But I did, though.
I.

Now, I feel so free… I have so much time to do whatever I like. I started by writing a new gcoid posting.
Any of you not already on the list are missing out on same high
caliber stuff.

Your loss, though, I guess.

Categories
really old

Tuesday:

Nothing to complain about today!
I had a good day.

I guess I wish I had some clean clothes to wear. I haven’t made it to the laundromat for quite some time now.

Friday:

the neighbors are making issues about the dog we’ve taken in… she’s a stray, but she’s awfully sweet.

Our place isn’t the best place for a dog to be, but she seems happy enough, even if she is jittery all the time.

They claim she’s scaring away their customers… whatever!

We’re not really supposed to have pets here… and we really aren’t in a position to cause trouble… we should just behave, but we’re just a bunch of kids. And that fact is absolutely obvious to everyone but us.

Categories
really old

Friday:

I’ve been getting attention from a couple of random internet people. That’s always cool. It makes me feel like there’s some sort of method to all of this madness. At the very least, I will be able to say that I traded some thoughts with some people I would have probably never have otherwise met.

I was also thinking today that a large portion of my day is actually spent reading and writing… it’s all about absorbing the thoughts of others and integrating thing with my own and processing that mess and spitting out some sort of organized gook.

It’s sort of like making cookies…

Tuesday:

The banner ad I made the other day is doing very poorly. Almost nobody has clicked on it. Man.

Categories
really old

Tuesday:

There are quite a lot of animals around here… there have been 3 cats for the past couple of days… and we have been adopted by a stray dog… The dog is very nice… but she’s pretty timid. That’s sort of hard to deal with.

Happy life overall… somebody turned up one of the little fridges in our snack room up too much and a soda can blew up in there spraying Dr. Pepper everywhere! Ick!