I run as fast as I can and leap from the edge of a mountain, flapping my arms equipped with false wings and I fly for a moment and see the most wonderous things, and as I start to fall I don’t regret a thing.

These dreams I look to to guide me through my life hold something close to magic.

swimming smiles, floating in the infinite distance, they scream a word, something like my name, but not quite so exact, but it still makes me turn to look and I can’t quite remember later what I see, but I know I can call it irony.

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And a Sunday sermon came out of the speakers in the elevator.
And I looked around at the people I was riding with, and they looked back at me, disinterested.
And I tried not to listen to what the holy man was saying,
But don’t you know it?, I couldn’t help myself.

And he said, “Take the lord into your hands…”
And I thought, “And then what do I do with his lordship?”
And he said, “Take the lord into your mouth…”
And I thought, “Woah, that might be going a little far.”
And he said, “Take the lord into your mind…”
And I thought, “Lordy lordy.”

I have no beef today so more pleasantries.

Isn’t it interesting how some happening can completely change a particular location forever… even for people who have no actual knowledge about the happening itself? Of course, the change is not as profound for those people, but some places just feel as if they have stories to tell. I don’t want to know those stories, but I want to know what they feel like.

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A fuzzy caterpillar is crawling up and down my spine. I’m not sure where he’s going, but it sure feels fine! I want to watch him wiggle, but I just can’t seem to twist around far enough to do it!

It’s pretty cold today. It’s definitely the coldest it’s been since I’ve been in Boston. I need some more warm clothing!

And, on top of that, the book I’m reading took another twist last night, and it’s got me a little concerned. It’s weird how much it can affect my mood from day to day. I like having my life in someone else’s hands to some extent. It’s liberating somehow!

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Tension.
I’m walking across the thin plastic roof of a small cardboard shack. It’s creaking, but seems to be holding me up. Very carefully, I take a deep breath and lift one leg in front of me with the knee bent. Then, I start to bend my other knee and creep down about a foot. Then, I wait.

I’ve been feeling stimulated lately. The past few days. Things around me are happening more intensely or maybe I’m just noticing more.

I put up a new song

It’s pretty fast.
I’m headed to Boston for a couple of weeks. I don’t know if I’m probably prepared for the cold or not. I guess I”ll find out!

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Sometimes, it seems like things really never do go the way I expect. I guess probably I am unable to predict the future. Sometimes, though, it seems like even more than that. It almost seems like things actually turn out different than I expect all the time. It’s almost like I am an anti-psychic.

I suppose, though, that by ‘things’, I really do mean only the things I really want to turn out a certain way. I guess maybe I need to try harder to make those things turn out that way, though. Maybe I just spend too much time just expecting my luck to help me out.

Or maybe my luck really is helping me out in ways I may even realize.

Today is turning into tonight, and the evening’s plans have not yet started. Hmm hmm.

cascading droplets, bloop bloop
floating along on semi-conscious aromas.
sensing everything around turning sour,
and battling it with an outpouring of sweet.

A spectacle of angry beauty,
spitting fire and molten desire,
descends from the heavens,
and asks us to change.

HAHA! We say.
Who are you to ask such a thing?
A witch from the sky would probably like us to die!

NONO! She says.
I am memory and love and drive all rolled into one!
I am more than a mere realization of your insanity.
I am tempting and touting and pretending and now!
I am here with you, let’s have some fun!

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Sometimes, it actually pains me to see so many fancy girls while I’m driving through some parts of LA. There’s so many people with plenty here, and so many people with needy elsewhere.

I do realize that these are different worlds, and you have to adopt some somewhat unique living patterns to get along in LA. It’s a strange sort of place. Love it, I do not. Hate it, I do not either. Like it… sometimes.

I just hope the people with the fancy cars around here do think about it once in awhile. Just some thought.
We can hope.

I saw Dancer In The Dark, the new movie Bjork is in. It was quite amazing. I mustn’t say anymore!

It seems as if we are addicted to one another. We sometimes don’t want to have anything to do with everyone else, but then we realize we need to have people around us to really flourish. And flourish we must, if this world is ever to improve. And I realize using the word ‘improve’ is making a judgement call about how things are, and I’m happy with that. Yep. yep.

I’m in a good mood today. I’m gonna go with it.

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I saw the newly re-released The Exorcist last night at the Mann’s Chinese Theater. That’s one seriously intense movie. I had never seen it before. If you haven’t seen it before, you should go. Don’t go by yourself, though.

Why do girls like to do that ‘multiple boys at once’ thing. I guess they’re trying to maximize their chances, or something. Meanwhile, they also maximize their chances of hurting somebody… But, I guess boys traditionally do that all the time. I guess maybe I just came too late in the game.

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Sitting and singing softly to myself.
A small, but noisy bird makes it way onto my plate.
BIRD!

Some things are just unforgiveable.
Fortunately, this is not one of those things.
I smack the bird away with my hand, and continue singing.
My plate is still empty, however.

trembling. I use that word a lot.
Why? Maybe because I write when I’m really hungry a lot. Yep. Nope. Maybe. I doubt it.

I like the word itself, I think. It shows a certain lack of power, but also a motivation to continue on anyway. If you just give up and lie down, you’ll usually mostly stop trembling… It’s only when you keep going against all odds (whee!) that you really start to tremble uncontrollably.

Things are going well. I had a nice outburst last weekend. It was really relaxing in the grand scheme of things. I let things get stacked up in my head for some reason. Booey.

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a short film idea:

a boy in the city notices a girl on the subway. He remembers seeing her earlier that day on the street near his house. He sees her again the next day on the street between his house and the subway stop. He starts seeing her all over the place, and starts thinking about her when he’s not seeing her. They never talk, but she seems him seeing her.

The interest gradually turns into a bit of an obsession for the boy. He starts intentionally trying to cross her path by guessing her daily plans. He follows her home and watches her from outside from time to time.

The boy starts noticing a second girl following him around, too. He realizes she has been watching him for awhile. He starts remembering her around during some of his memories of seeing the first girl. Then the boy starts noticing the second girl hanging out with the first girl.

Disorganized film shoot today.
I hope some of the footage turns out ok. I need to figure out how to make it all fit together and sort of make sense. It’s a jumble of disconnected actions right now.

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curl up with your gutters
slide up the shadow shades.
ride the boat to happiness,
don’t forget to get off!

bastard motive walker
shiny yellow bearing
rope enough to see you say
and coke enough to sniffle

lather
or rather, I say.
Yes. I do. Deem me fit?

A prick cot. Sweet.
Sugar, soften me up, for suck.

Linger in the manger.
Watch the baby born.
Cry out and be merry.
Once and once.

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No matter how many people I come into contact with on any given day, I almost always still feel sort of lonely when I go to bed. If someone else goes to bed with me, I sometimes feel even more alone.

I’m in Boston. American.
Lots of old things. As old as they get in this country. People love that sort of thing. It makes them feel less afraid of dying, I think.

It’s nice, though.
I’ve had some fun already.
Wish me continued luck!

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Eroneous feelings.
Those things.
You know?

They make it hard.
Hard it is.
Thinking does no good.
One of those situations.

I’m so direct.
yep.

Thinking, thoughts, flowing, snowing, down rain from the air.
orange juice peeling down from the walls like lightning ginger snaps, feverish in their nature and wiley like a willy.
wearable fruit.
candy colored suits.

I don’t really know what’s going on in my head. I’m not supposed to know everything, though, right?

Captured. I’ve been captured. Alien presence. Inelegant situation.

Make Love Not Sense.
In Sense, In City.

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I’m thinking all the time about something terrible I did this weekend. It showed off the gaping holes in the shell I have been constructing for awhile around me.

It’s especially bad because I really shouldn’t need to have a shell like that in the first place. I should be able to let people come in close to me. I have decided that I can’t, I guess… and who’s to tell me different?

Maybe someone already has.
Maybe lots of people already have… and I haven’t listened very well up to now.

I haven’t yet accomplished anything very noteable. I must not slow down, but I must also still be careful to not disrupt the flow.

My horoscope has been just amazing and incredible lately. It’s making me rethink everything going on in my life. I think I really needed that push.

Free Will Astrology

I have already moved myself into a new room at the building with a new desk setup, and I have a new pet.
Life is changing!

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Last night’s festivities soured a bit somehow. I was in a good mood all day, and even more so after seeing the Afro-Cuban All-Stars. Then toward the end of the evening, I found myself arguing about things that I don’t think can be fixed. Maybe that’s the problem… That I seem to think it can’t be fixed. I dunno.

Whatever.
I started on a pretty neat track today…

moaning softly to myself,
I roll over and nuzzle my face into the pillow.
Another estatic dream keeps me wishing morning will never come.

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A ringing goes ring ring in my ears.
A feeling goes woah woah in my fears.
A fire burns out late in the night
and I still can’t stop thinking,
about you.

A dripping goes drip drip in the rain.
A drooping goes woah woah on my face.
A fool looks at me and shakes his head,
and I still can’t stop thinking,
about you.

Kids today aren’t taught to sacrifice. They’re taught they can have whatever they want if they work hard enough. But what do we tell them if they ask us if they can have an end to hunger or poverty in the world? We smile and tell them to stop being silly. “You can’t have that!”, we say. And then when the children ask us why not, we don’t know what to tell them and we just smile a little smile and pat their little heads.

You have to sacrifice something before you can understand the true value of what you have.

There’s an energy that can be derived from meeting new people and finding out that you have something in common with them. It’s one of those cultural wonders, or something. One of those human things that make you remember your mortality and remind you to spend your time doing what you want to do. Or, maybe it just does that to me. I met some new people last night… Jorge, Simon, and I drove to San Francisco from LA for a party, and then drove back right after. It’s not the sort of thing I’d do over and over again, but I’ll never forget it.

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olive oil runs through the streets of baton rouge, and it’s a crime because it gets in the way of the water delivery truck, or something more meaningful perhaps.

We must work together to ever hope to explore anything beyond the reaches of mear human endeavor. We are not bound by what we have been taught. We are not bound by what we have seen. We are bound by fear and trust.

Cry. Cry like the wind told you to, and make the wind never forget it. Tell someone else to cry today.

I wish the world a happy hello.
I wish to you a happy hello.
I wish to me a happy hello, and perhaps
a thank you and good wishes, too.

I hear my name ring through your teeth,
so false and shimmering they are.
I feel my heart spring up from my grave,
the day of my untimely death.
I wait and watch as my memory crumbles,
the last thing I have left.
I mist and tear when a movie ends,
and the good guy doesn’t win.

So, I wish to you, and yours and ours,
a happy happy day. I hope to you all
good things come now and forever on.

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da da da da
dancing through
the air is shining
and my brain is dissolving
between my eyes

I can taste it
if I try hard enough.

but I don’t like to try.

a truck’s driving by early in the morning,
and fuck it all.
I’m dreaming of fried chicken,
with potatoes and dumplings.

that’s the real deal,
mister man in your big-ass white car.
Don’t give me no lip,
because I can appreciate something simple.

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I feel something starting to come together. It feels like things might start to really move pretty soon. I still get the feeling that many of the people around me might not really understand what it’s like to be moving, but I think they’ll catch on pretty quick and find the experience exhilirating.

I’m ready for that. I just hope we, as a group, are, too. I hope we can set aside our simple, personal differences long enough to stand arm in arm and shout our praises to the big sky above loud enough so that something greater than any of us individually or all of us combined might hear the peep, and them maybe, quite possibly, take a moment to bat an eye.

Filtered feelings
puny ponderings
protruding prophesy
of a far away land and
a far away man

i need somethinq,
somethinq to touch me
and tickle my memories,
as much as anyone.

And i need hope,
real hope for a new time
when fears of the past
can be forgotten.

And i am willing,
willing to give up my spirit
along with my uncertainty
of what might come next.

If you can hold me now
and let me rest my eyes
on your lips and watch you
wash away my insanity
and recklessness,
i think i could overlook your
weaknesses and take them on
as my own.

But if you can’t do that…
Well, i guess i can’t either.

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I really do believe that people can live together and share thoughts and ideas and make love in peace and universal harmony. I really do. Sometimes, I start to wonder… but then I find some amazing new person or thing or hear some wonderful new music, or see some mesmerizing new movie… It just takes something beautiful like that to remind me that there really is more than just my worldly worries. It’s not that things are perfect or anything, but maybe my problems really don’t matter a whole lot at all…

The only thing that really does matter, I guess, is my own happiness. I don’t know how to define that sort of thing, though… and my logical mind can’t deal with undefined quantities… or something. I don’t know how to work towards something I can’t imagine.

I guess maybe I’m not supposed to imagine it, though. I think maybe I’m just supposed to be it. Just be, right? Yeah, hah. easy.

And what gets me down? Some people just can’t seem to see past their nose. They can’t forget about their initial reaction to something to get down to the real meaning there. Does a stinky baby want to smell bad? Probably not… it probably just needs a little help.

I think someone with a stinky mind or a stinky way of thinking about things is in the same sort of state… They just need a little helping airing things out. Sometimes you just have to think a thought through before you realize how dumb it is. Sometimes, I say something… and everyone just sort of looks at me, and I’m like, “where’d that come from? … Third grade or something?” Sometimes I get something stuck in my head, and then it never comes up for a really long time so I never re-evaulate it with all the new things I’ve had going through my mind since then.

I think a lot. I actually mark time a bit by how many things I’ve thought during the increment…. Time doesn’t seem to be moving if I’m not thinking. It moves for real, but not in idallas-space… And that makes me feel like I’m wasting time.

I don’t much like to waste time.
I do seem to like talking about myself a lot, though. Who wants to read about that?

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catapult
my mind
far from here

floating
high up
above you and yours

caring
less and less
the more I watch

falling
maybe so
do I care?

rain
and sun
come on me

I open my mouth
and my eyes
and let your beauty inside
me

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the circles are converging and closing… the time for bringing in new nodes is dissolving. Who will continue to be the socialites, and who will just settle for whatever’s left?

It’s a sad state of affairs in many ways, but some people are just so short-sighted. It’s sometimes pretty hard to look beyond today, or even tomorrow, but there is always another day. And if there isn’t… well, it doesn’t really matter anyway.

bless me,
me and my heart of steel
for I have been touched
by an armor-piercing magic
a spirit that defies all logic
and transverses all space.

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Things are going well at the compound, lately.
The major conflicts are starting to get ironed out, and a smooth productive organizational structure is falling into place.

I can feel the summer coming to a close… the hectic pace is starting to ease up… I’ll be glad to roll into the fall with a solid production schedule. It sounds corporate, but it really does take a lot of worry off of your mind and let you relax and do something fun for awhile… worrying about what everyone is doing or isn’t doing or should be doing or whatever is just not fun. blah.

We have a washer and dryer with hot water. That’s really nice. The kitchen has been organized better and we’re starting to really cooperate with the different duties in the building.

The biggest problem now is that I never leave…

I’m not sure what I want to do most of the time. I get excited by the possibility of spending more money to get myself cooler and cooler toys, but then I get tired out when I try to really use them. I guess other people might pick up the ball and play with them for me, but I’m not sure that sort of logic will ever lead to contentment.

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Dealing with other people’s whims and wants is so difficult. And other people do have whims and wants, don’t they?

For every decision, there is always an equal and opposite opposition. When you’re growing up, it’s easy to wonder why we’re not farther along as a species… and then you start working and notice that most people don’t have any real ambition or plan for the future…

People have no goals. They want to buy this or that or get laid or get drunk or whatever, but what do they really want to do?

Do they want to make some change in the world around them? Or even just make the world more beautiful?

I guess maybe I might be being a little hard on people. It is difficult to get up in the morning and go to work and do the whole life thing and still have time and energy left over to be a hero.

But I guess it’s sort of a cycle because you wouldn’t have to be a hero to change the world if everyone just worked together… one person alone has to be might strong to move a river.

my heart beats
inside my head
and my fingers drum
on the desk

the clock says now
and my stomach creeps
how do I know
what I think I feel?

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We had a party last night. It went well. I like to see all the people really enjoying the work we put in.

It makes me sad, though, to be in a happy group of people sometimes. Sometimes I get pessimistic and I start to think about all the things the people don’t realize. I know it sounds a bit egotistical of me to assume that I know things other people don’t know… but it’s more that other people don’t seem to want to know rather than that they are unable to know.

It’s so much easier to just play dumb and close off those doors in your mind… eventually, though, you’ll find yourself alone in a single room, with nowhere to go… and that’s what causes people to lash out. It’s just like a trapped animal.

But, having a huge array of open rooms to wander around in isn’t necessarilly any better… especially if you’re alone while doing it.

dream.dog is still timid, but she definitely knows us now and mellows out pretty quick when we hang out with her.

She has to deal with a lot of different crazy noises happening all around her all the time. That’s sort of a hard thing to deal with for anyone. And she’s had a crazy life lately on top of that.

I think she’ll be ok.

I like to hang out with animals. Before college, I used to have animals around more. They have their own world. They don’t worry about the price of gas or the state of the stock market or any of that other stuff that really doesn’t matter. Animals are so much about the moment. You can just focus on them and what they’re doing and how they relate to you and each other… it’s relaxing, I think.

But then I go and start developing animal behavior theories and that gets in the way.

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I still feel that lonely sort of feeling sometimes, but I think it’s starting to be more a result of how thinly I spread myself out… I want to maintain a steady connection with so many people and do so many things all at once, and it just wears me out… and I think I am missing out on some really important connections still…

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Some people came over last night to listen to some music. They were not my friends, but I still expected them to be reasonably cool.

Then some of them stole a laptop and a cell phone from us. Fuckers.

I bought a new red bongo today! I am now free to hang out in hip clubs and spew out poetry off the top of my head and (you guessed it!) play my bongo!

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There will soon be more people working and thriving around me. That will really help motivate me and help me see the good things that are going on around me…

I know that some of the things I have helped create are good things, but I want so so much more. I wonder if I just want things for the sake of wanting. I know that is probably the case.

But how do I break out of something like that? I guess I will just think it through like I have always done, but that is such a difficult process. Why do I find life so terribly painful? I try to avoid things I consider to be “real life” as much as I can… I try to set things up in new and different ways all the time so I don’t start to feel like I’m just doing things like everyone else.

I have a morbid fear that if I follow in someone else’s footsteps, I will end up making the same mistakes that every other person has up to now.

I know there must be some mistakes that every person has made, because I know there are some things that are wrong.

There’s been more personal conflicts lately… it’s starting to wear me down a bit. I’m starting to pull back a bit. I’m starting to think it doesn’t really matter and I don’t need to be involved. I can just do my thing.

I think I’m trying to help us create a solid work environment, but maybe I’m just being nit-picky, as I have been accused of.

It’s starting to tear down some of my walls, which maybe is a good thing in the long run, but I’m feeling some of my bleeding heart start to pour out. I don’t know if I’m ready for a season of introspection like that.

I’m starting to think I will seek some extra companionship to fill in the gaps… I think I have some gaps that need filling.

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la la la.

We went to a party way out in San Bernadino last night… there weren’t that many kids there, and the music was a little whack. I was tired and my neck was sorta sore from jumping on a trampoline.

It was nice to see the 30 or 40 people who did stay all the way until the end. Almost everyone was dancing and was very appreciative of the music. That’s nice to see at 5:30 am.

Then we had to drive all the way home…

NATO bombed a caravan of refugees. Way to go. It seems odd they didn’t realize that the route they were following was a refugee route. There can’t be too many of those routes.

And then Clinton says, “Whoops. Shit happens.” in not so many words… he actually said something like “It’s not possible to not make mistakes.” I liked it better when he was lying to Congress.

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Cigarette smoke is gross!
Why do people sit around in a room and just smoke and smoke?
It gets all in your clothes and makes everything smell 1000 years old.

I keep thinking that I am going to have to start smoking so I can understand it. The smoke probably won’t bother me as much then, either.

And now I’m moving into a building with 3 or 4 other smokers. Geez.

intimacy and compassion are undeniable assets.
with riches such as that, everything else will fall in line
the jesters and firebreathers of the world will beg
to help create the world for you

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have you ever heard of “beating some sense into someone”? Sometimes I want to do that. I don’t know if I could actually bring myself to beat someone else, but boy, sometimes I wonder.

Some people seem to have been asleep in kindergarten when they were teaching us how to share and be nice to each other. Some people seem to have managed to get through kindergarten without learning those valuable lessons.

Do I have a specific example in mind here? Not really. Maybe… I dunno. I don’t think so.

I just want things to be simpler. People are so afraid of getting hurt they build up these fortresses of constructs and defense mechanisms. So now, in our culture, there are a bunch of fortresses walking around, never getting too close to each other for fear of accidentally bumping heads.

Life rotates around our desires and motivations. Life is a series of events resulting from our actions, which are based on those things.

And it is the responsibility of each one of us to figure out what it is that we want. Those desires are the key that unlocks the bounties of beauty life can deliver.

Once you know what you want, you will be happy forever because everyone has the potential to do anything. You have the capacity to take what you want. Others have the capacity to give you what you want, if you let them.

Remember, wants and needs are inherently different animals. I want lots of things that I don’t need. I want the whole world. I don’t need that.

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I saw Mod Squad last night. Very solid entertainment. Great movie. Not high-art, but who doesn’t get sick of art sometimes?

Bombs do not solve problems.

The older I get, the more I am hurt by military action. I can’t understand the mentality. I try, and I see some sort of basis for the rationale, but it’s just an endless cycle. If people really wanted peace, they would just be peaceful.

Maybe it’s not that simple… but maybe it is.

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I watched LA Story tonight.

What an amazing movie. So romantic and realistic at the same time.
I didn’t get it until I lived in Los Angeles, though.

There seems to be a mouse in our house!

We’ve seen him several times now. Do forgive me for assuming it is a he, but I really want to characterize the small rodent as something a little more human… people like to feel close to a character before they will believe.

This mouse does quite a disappearing act.

We will eventually prevail, however.

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I went to a nice birthday party last night. There were a lot of young people drinking alcohol (not much beer, and the beer that was there was Tecate! and the alcohol was Tequila!) and laughing and stuff.

At some point, everyone sang a song in Spanish to the birthday girl. Most of the people there were hispanic, btw. The spanish song has way more words than “Happy Birthday to You.” It was a full-on anthem.

People were dancing and laughing and they looked really happy, and oh my how wonderful it all was.

And we talked about the future of the internet and it’s increasing level of commericiallity and we talked about the oneness of all things and we looked at my tattoo a little bit.

Those sorts of things start to happen when I get a couple of cups of margarita in me. Yaa-haa!

It’s complicated to deal with personal issues. Fernando and I were talking about jealousy and logically thinking about relationships… I get jealous so easy. But I don’t think too much of it because it happens so easy. I get jealous about girls I have never even met (but want to meet). What’s up with that?

I was talking to Tim, too… he was saying that maybe the features we’re naturally attracted to are really just the features that make us want to have sex more for whatever reason… maybe media didn’t completely invent the look, but maybe they just sort of clarified the look.

Maybe.

All I know is the world just doesn’t make things easy on us. And 23 is a lot younger than it seemed 10 years ago.

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I got a lot of work done.
I’ve been doing ok this week, despite being unable to wake up.
I got some stuff out of the way. I’m hoping I’ll be able to start really doing something interesting any week now.

I know it’s gonna happen.
That’s what we’re all waiting for, after all.

Somebody seems to have found my login and password for Worldnet dialup and used it to be online for 400 hours last month.

I called them to tell them that it wasn’t me and I wanted my money back and the fuckers didn’t believe me. They won’t give me my money back. That’s so fucked up.

So, I called my credit card people and I’m disputing the charge. What a mean world we live in.

Damn.

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Why is it so difficult to decide what you want to do some days? It’s easier just to stay in bed or maybe just get up and read and write email all day. Or maybe just alternate between picking your nose and picking your butt.

Things are pretty ok with me right now.

I needed to have some fun and I did.

I ended up neglecting this site a little to do it, but I think you’ll all forgive me, won’t you?

Thanks!

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I got my groove on last night.

And I’m not talking about sex, either. Though, I suppose I wish I was.

I saw a band called OOSoul. They’re from LA, and they put on a nice show.

It was great fun.

It looked like the crowd had a good time. It was a posh brewery place in an upscale and snooty part of Long Beach. There were some college kids there doing their dumb college-kid thing. I didn’t mind, though.

I went out to see a super-cool band last night called OOSoul last night.

It was a lot of fun, but for some reason, the place we were at had boxing on the tv during the set. Why the hell would someone do that to me?

But, this isn’t about me. This is about why people are so interested in seeing someone else get hurt. It’s sick. It’s perverse. It’s way worse than sleeping with your intern.

We should all be impeached and bombed.

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There’s some really interesting people nestled in between all the ho-hum normal people cruising by all the time. It’s like all the buildings you probably see every day. Most of them are pretty much meaningless to you, but there’s probably something going on in just about every single one of them.

A little snippet of that whole big fat deal that makes up life.
And all it takes to make that snippet a part of your snippet is to cruise by one of those buildings and just stop for a moment and hang out there. If you get really brave, you can even try to peak through the window or listen at the door.

If you get lucky, you might even get shot by some crazed lunatic.

Life is an interactive experience. Don’t believe what the TV tells you.

Oh. By the way, I did this week’s

Dreamsheet
. It’s pretty good, too.

We were driving home at about 5am this morning after doing sound at a party called Frontline (which was held in this little place that seemed to be some sort of low-budget strip club… my kind of place!). At 5 am there’s not much traffic, but the nature of LA drivers makes them bunch up together anyway. Strength in numbers and all that.

Well, for some reason, they also feel the need to cut each other off and make life difficult around exits. 3 cars in a stretch of 1 mile of road, and they all exit together and get in each others’ ways.

Weird town.


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Las Vegas sorta sucks because you have to be 21 or over to do just about anything… I’m over 21, but I know lots of people who aren’t. I sort of think I might always know lots of people who are under 21, too.

Anyway, the whole city is sort of a fascist ageist regime. There are some specific places that are explicitly designed to be fun for children, but who really has fun at any place explicity designed for that purpose? It’s much more fun to just hang out and do stuff that looks interesting…

Amusement parks are for the meek-minded.

And Las Vegas pretends to be fun for all and then they sort of treat you like dirt if you’re not gonna waste your childrens’ inheritance on their stupid games.

Oh well.


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I didn’t manage to make any updates yesterday… and then today cruised on by. Oh well.

I called that girl today. I talked to her for about 10 minutes and nothing very interesting was said. She has my number now, though. Maybe I’ll get some phone calls…

I bought some new records today, too. That’ll help get me back on track after some of mine were stolen… sucky world.

While we were out and about, we ate at a nice Mediterranean place and saw some cuties. That’s always enough to put you in a good mood.

Now, I’m sitting around waiting for something fun to happen while I deal with some dumb computer problems… I’m gonna rearrange my room a little if nothing fun happens soon.

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I slept a lot again last night. Raar. Now I feel sort of overslept… like my head in rolling around in a tub of molasses.

I’ll deal, though.

Somebody complained that one of the dreamhost users was using our machine to ping flood them… I wish people wouldn’t do stupid stuff like that. Jerko-s.


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We went to a pretty cool jungle party last night. It had a good crowd. Jungle parties around here are getting bigger. That’s cool, but it also means there’s more of that crowd that just comes for the drugs and doesn’t care what music is playing… I guess some of them eventually start getting into the music, too, but it is weird for the vibe to see a bunch of people rolling on each other…

Whatever, though.

I also ran into a girl that I’ve sort of known for awhile. She seems cool and into cool things. I got her number. Yay me!

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Fan Appreciation Day:
This is a real email I received from a real fan! … (continued from the
Daily Blessing). I responded asking he if
was trying to be funny or insulting… and this is his response to that.


Trying, and succeeding, I might add, at being insulting. Perhaps its not the
case, but it looks like someone’s daddy bought him a domain name, a
digi-cam, and micro$oft frontpage. I bet you print all of those cheezy
little pictures of yourself and tape them all over your room. I asked a
friend of mine, just for fun and giggles, what she thought of your
delightful little ‘site’ and you’ll be pleased to know, its not just me that
thinks you’re a conceited twit. well, its been a pleasure talking to you
again… Take two of these reality pills, and call me in the morning.

The word is out, and the reviews are in: People are talking about
idallas.com:

    “yeah this guy needs either a good woman or a good slap”
    “yeah this guy has too much time and too much money”

well… have a happy night, my friend… try not to snap too many pictures
of yourself on the way to bed.

toodles!


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Fan Appreciation Day:
This is a real email I received from a real fan! … yay!


idallis.com: my friend pointed me to this, she said it was quite the
pointless crock of horse shit. she was correct. Its good to see that at
lease one person has a surplus of free time on their hands. please sign
me up on your fan list, so I can receive my daily feed of more mindless
anecdotes. Have a jolly-good day chap.

Try the Daily Beating for the continuation…

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We vacuumed our house today! That might not seem like something to rejoice about, but
I assure you it is. We have lived here for something like 14 or 15 months and we had
never vacuumed until today. Never. We don’t own a vacuum cleaner. We had to
borrow one from the neighbors. I feel good about this move. I think it’ll really
help to bring us together as a family-like people-structure.

I think about God sometimes. I usually don’t use a capital G when I talk about her/him,
though. I usually take the sacrilegious route and use the lowercase g to show my
feelings. How would you all like it if I suddenly wanted everyone to call me Human?
I don’t think it’s fair for one being to just take over a word like that. It’s downright
rude. God is one rude mother. And that’s the blessed truth.

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Hey, idallas.com just passed it’s 3-month anniversary. Crazy stuff. Who woulda thunk?

I’ve been able to get up without an alarm clock for the past 4 or so weeks straight.
That’s almost enough to put you into a permanent state of smiley estasy. Almost. It
does put me into a generally better mood. I really like being able to go to bed
and wake up whenever I feel like it. I think that’s something everyone should
strive for. I know it’s hard for lots of people, but just try to do it whenever you can.
And get a wrist-rest for your computer, too, and a good chair to sit in. You’ll
thank me later.

Recap . . . Don’t use an alarm clock, use a wrist-rest, and get a good chair.

Don’t forget to look at this week’s Weekly Shine.
I’m pretty happy with it.

Josh over at endquote.com sent out something
to his Juicy mailing list last night entitled “Fuck the Homeless.” In it, he recounted
a story of some guy he encountered who managed to scam him out of $2. The fucker.

That’s something I’ve noticed about some homeless people. They have taken it upon
themselves to treat being homeless like a profession (which it is in some sense,
I suppose). They go at it using the ruthless and selfish capitalistic ways that
were mostly responsible for putting them in their situation to begin with. If people
were a little more likely to help one another, there wouldn’t be so many unfortunately
fucked up situations. On top of that, if people would take some responsibility for their
own actions rather than blaming the government, or their parents, or their religion, or
the whole fucking world, then the world would be a better place. If the leaders of
big corporations would actually put their own personal happiness ahead of their
own personal wealth, things would be better, too. Overall, there’s so much room for
improvement, but people are too distracted to notice or maybe they notice
and just don’t care.

blah. now I’m in a pissy mood.

BTW, go check out endquote.com and join his
mailing lists. He’ll thank you later.

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I can’t stand watching people inject things. I can’t stand it on TV, and I can’t stand it in
movies, and I can’t stand it in person. I always have to have other people inject all my drugs for
me. No, I’m kidding. I don’t use injection drugs, silly! And I’m not afraid of needles. I like big
needles like the ones they use to pierce people. I love those! I just don’t like it when
people stick a needle right into their neck just to get high and forget about the world. Ick.

Nonsense Day (try saying them aloud!):
daw dar deng dee do duhn
dwap dee der doo dar
duhn duhn der dooo dag dag zegag doo
digga digga my swigga swigga
derbop doo dam, she’t fat as a clam!
dumbutt. dumbutt. dermot. dingbot.

I went running yesterday. I used to be an ok runner just like 1 and a half years ago, and we
were only going to run 2.8 miles or so… piece of cake, right? Nope. It sorta sucked. I
don’t regret it now, but it was quite a run for my aging self. One interesting plus was
how my hearing was sort of fading in and out for awhile as walked back to the house. It
had a neat effect on the sounds of the cars going by in the street. I would have been better able to
enjoy it had I not had a sharp pain in my temples at the same time. Oh well, we can’t have
everything.

Hey. Look at this: idallas vs The Purple Monkey.

Hmmm. Did anything bad happen today? I didn’t find as many records
as I wanted to. That’s a little sucky, but nothing to complain about.
I didn’t find true love today. That’s sorta sucky, too. I can deal,
though.

Good Slogan Day: When the fun becomes easy, the learning begins.

I think I came up with that. Have you ever heard it anywhere else?
Let me know if you have.

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There’s not a lot better than spending a day in a fun city with a group of
people you like.

Or Nutter Butter cookies, either.

People in San Francisco are nicer in general than people in Los Angeles, but
they don’t seem to deal well with slightly stressful traffic situations.
We got honked at like 3 times today for no reason at all (we got honked
at a few more times because of our sucky driving, but that’s normal).
People up here must have low-stress jobs or something.

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These Saturday entries are coming later and later these days…

I was thinking last night about how glad I am to be young. I feel younger now than I did
when I was 16. I feel like there’s whole world full of stuff out there to experience,
learn, and be a part of. All I have to do is pay attention and not miss my opportunities.
It bugs me sometimes when I see people around me acting old just because they think
they’re supposed to. Everyone gets old eventually. There’s no reason to rush it.

So… I don’t get this whole bar culture thing. People go to bars to meet people right?
They start drinking to “loosen up.” Then they keep drinking to “have a good time.”
Then they drink even more to “forget about their problems.” Then they end up in bed
with someone they don’t like because they think it’s going to make them feel better
about themselves.

I imagine sometimes it does, and that’s great.
I bet a lot of really good, strong couples meet that way, and that’s wonderful.

I also bet a lot of people end up feeling sorry for themselves, and that sucks.

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I’m a bit annoyed that I actually seem to require a full night’s sleep at least 3 or so
out of every 7 nights or I end up a complete useless mess before too long. That may
seem like a weak beating topic to you tough biatches out there, but it affects my life.
There’s something about the feel of the music playing in the still of the house at 3am
that just motivates me to do things. That’s when I get my best writing done. That’s
when I reach my moments of clarity (relative clarity, alright?). It just sucks
to have that feeling that I really should get to bed so I won’t be too tired
at work in the morning. Who’s life am I living?

Anyway, I just end up tired at work. I still get stuff done, but boy do I get
grumpy occasionally. Oh well. I guess you all luck out, but now you know what I
go through.

Man, my life sucks…

How about yours?

One of the guys at work took some of us out to lunch on Friday to thank us for work
we had done to help him out in the past. It was a really nice gesture since we tend
to be the people who hear all the complaints and rarely get thanked. It was cool, too.
We got along pretty well, didn’t talk about work too much, and had some nice drinks.
It was at this little place near UCLA. It has a very UCLA sort of vibe. It was sort
of good ol’ fashioned American, with pictures of celebrities or sports heros or something,
wood bookshelves with American classics piled high, and a full bar in the middle
of the restaurant.

I had a pint of what was supposed to be pear cider, but we think may have been peach cider
or something. It tasted pretty good, and gave me a pretty nice buzz to take as a
souvenir back to work with me.

It was a nice highlight at the end of a hectic week.
Sometimes I think that’s what life’s all about. Those nice moments with friends are
what keeps the world truckin’ along. We all put up with everything that goes on
so we can just have some of those now and then. I think everyone wants more of those
moments, but eventually just settles for what they can get. That’s sad.

I am glad I have another moment to stow away in my collection of fond memories, though.
Thanks, all.

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I was in a good mood this week. I don’t really notice my mood much, but every once
in awhile, it just hits me, and I look around and I see the same old irritating stuff,
but for some reason it makes me happy. Sometimes, I’m just delighted to have the chance
to sit in traffic a little bit longer with the same jerk that cut me off the day before.
Sometimes.

But not all the time. So I take it when I can get it.
This week was one of the good ones.