iDallas!I realized tonight that I define everything in my life by what I see wrong with it. Everything is a sum of it’s faults… the things about it keeping it from being perfect in my eyes.
That’s almost sick. It also means I’ll never notice anything that really is perfect. Or maybe I will, but I’ll never quite be able to deal with it.
There’s some alive living in the back of my throat. It wants to come out and say hi… but it’s shy.
Wouldn’t you know it?
People let their lives just roll along at some point. I guess that’s what you have to do to keep from feeling useless.
Maybe I’m expecting too much from people. It seems like everyone should actually want to change the world to their liking. But most people just learn to live with what’s there.
mouse on mars last night
better than expected
live drums add a nice bit of oomph.
they’re into what they’re doing.
I’m happy for them.
Things like that give me hope for the rest of my life.
Jason’s birthday! yay!
here’s an ode to Jason:
tall and skinny
drooling and giggling
rolling down the stairs
and laughing all the way.
that’s just like him!
dripping juices,
sliding down the dusty window,
murky residue remaining.
erect paper flowers,
blowing in the brisk breeze,
never forgetting.
I live in a mental monopoly.
I went out and bought some camping gear today! A sleeping bag, and a mat, and a fleece top sort of thing. I’m all ready to be outdoorsy now. A bunch of us are planning to head out to Catalina Island next weekend. I might end up in a kayak for the first time ever. I’ll try to get somebody with a digital camera to give me some pictures to post.
ok. a quick poem:
laughter
and smelly hyenas
darts narrowly missing my brow
dynamite
and poison arrows
blocking my path to you
feelings
of love and confusion
and I close my eyes to the sun.
I think I’ve freed myself from one of my more recent traps. It might be a bit harsh to think of it as a trap. Maybe it’s just more of a distraction… or obstacle… or false clue. Something like that. Not quite that negative, though.
Anyway, I’m optimistic about the future.