da da da da
dancing through
the air is shining
and my brain is dissolving
between my eyes
I can taste it
if I try hard enough.
but I don’t like to try.
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Author: admin
a truck’s driving by early in the morning,
and fuck it all.
I’m dreaming of fried chicken,
with potatoes and dumplings.
that’s the real deal,
mister man in your big-ass white car.
Don’t give me no lip,
because I can appreciate something simple.
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Thursday:
I saw a car driving in front of me the other day with a sticker on the back that said “Peace.” It was nice… I liked it. But then I noticed that the same car also had a Nike swoosh sticker up towards the top of the rear window.
Weird.
I like the swoosh as much as the next guy, but why would you want to put it on your car? And how could the same person put both of the stickers on the same car at the same time, and mean it?
There’s been a flurry of mental activity around here lately. Stuff’s getting down at a very nice pace. I’m starting to fill some of the weight lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes, it feels like things are never going to get easier… and then other times it just seems like things might be easier than they ever have before. I do everything I do because I want to… I feel like I have to, but it doesn’t really hurt anyone but myself to not do it. Nobody nags me about it or anything… I guess my reputation suffers a bit, but that can happen to anyone.
And who needs a reputation so bad, anyway?
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Saturday:
I feel something starting to come together. It feels like things might start to really move pretty soon. I still get the feeling that many of the people around me might not really understand what it’s like to be moving, but I think they’ll catch on pretty quick and find the experience exhilirating.
I’m ready for that. I just hope we, as a group, are, too. I hope we can set aside our simple, personal differences long enough to stand arm in arm and shout our praises to the big sky above loud enough so that something greater than any of us individually or all of us combined might hear the peep, and them maybe, quite possibly, take a moment to bat an eye.
Filtered feelings
puny ponderings
protruding prophesy
of a far away land and
a far away man
i need somethinq,
somethinq to touch me
and tickle my memories,
as much as anyone.
And i need hope,
real hope for a new time
when fears of the past
can be forgotten.
And i am willing,
willing to give up my spirit
along with my uncertainty
of what might come next.
If you can hold me now
and let me rest my eyes
on your lips and watch you
wash away my insanity
and recklessness,
i think i could overlook your
weaknesses and take them on
as my own.
But if you can’t do that…
Well, i guess i can’t either.
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Thursday:
Spirited
powerful
delicate
sensuous
and beautiful
like a horse,
I guess.
Ego
without our egos
we are nothing
but with our egos
we can never be free
of the chains of fear and desire
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Sunday:
Complex. And separated.
Intricate and dynamic.
It’s a stuggle.
And I deal with it every day.
I don’t know what to say to who and what to feel about who and who cares about what and why… and I don’t know whose feelings to worry about hurting and whose to not give a fuck about.
I want to fuck a lot of people I don’t know… and for some reason not that many I do know. And I think it might be some sort of weird association with this concept of S-E-X as some sort of great reward or some show of power or something fundamentally fucked up like that.
Well. There are shifting issues going on around me, and I try to not get involved, and that just gets me in more trouble, and now I’m starting to see a possible new very big situation develop and I’m starting to really think about it a lot and hang a lot of emotions on it, and I really hope it doesn’t turn out to just be another big issue.
Another big issue.
I am signing in my head sometimes. I am hearing the invisible raindrops bounce off the tin roof I call my mind. I am. Hahah.
I am putting some words together in some sort of attempt to avoid really saying anything at all. I am bobbling about and juggling with the truth. Haha. I am.
I am wanting to be great, and I am almost willing to admit it to myself. I crave power like anybody, and I know that, and I want to not think about it, but I don’t know if that will make it go away. For some reason, I think it won’t.
And I have been thinking about Cuba in a very real way, and I don’t know if I could give up everything I’ve gained for myself and my friends just so that a bunch of people I dislike can be equal to me. I guess actually a lot of those people might flee with the shit hits the proverbial fan, though. I guess. Yeah. hahah.
And the cup. What about the cup? Is it going down? Or it is going up? It could be 1/3 full and rising or not. I dunno. It’s like thinking about whether the universe is expanding or contracting…. Who cares? Seriously.