iDallas!There is a silencing factor in the world today. If you want to keep what you have, you won’t speak out against the powers that have made it possible for you to have those things. I used to be irreverent and fuck all that shit and what-not, but now I have more things, and I like those things, and I am quiet.
The truth.
A ringing goes ring ring in my ears.
A feeling goes woah woah in my fears.
A fire burns out late in the night
and I still can’t stop thinking,
about you.
A dripping goes drip drip in the rain.
A drooping goes woah woah on my face.
A fool looks at me and shakes his head,
and I still can’t stop thinking,
about you.
It sounds like most of my friends are into voting. There is some hope for the future generation, despite my pessimism.
My Mom called tonight and told me that she and my Dad have separated. He moved out of the house last week sometime, and she hasn’t talked to him at all for almost a week.
Weird. It’s not totally surprising, but I wouldn’t say I was expecting it, you know?
hovering
I watch over her as she sleeps.
I am not there, but she feels me,
I hope.
Wild eyes watch the blind lines in the dark,
and think of nothing.
Chasing circles of romantic hope.
We are energy, 2 or 3 at once.
We are willpower, 4 or maybe 10.
We are freedom, righteous and true.
We are wild, unknown and free.
We are alone, just you and me.
There’s so much open space across America and it seems to mostly be filling up with large stores, restaurants, cinemas, and minimalls. It looks the same almost everywhere I’ve been… lots of open, grassy sort of areas… with lots of big, brand-new buildings popping up in place of wildflowers and tumbleweed.
I guess that’s what urban sprawl is, and it seems to be the primary thought export of Los Angeles.
ick.
There’s a lot of other things going on in the world. It’s too bad you can’t be in lots of places at once or be involved with lots of things at once. I suppose you could travel around and juggle lots of activities at once, but then you’d probably end up spending most of your time making arrangements for travel and figuring out what to do next.
I think you can only really be happy and somewhat fulfilled if you’re putting a majority of your energy into something you really care about… and no one can really care about travelling. Travelling is just going places and looking and seeing. It’s also a little bit of interacting, but not very much… not the sort of interacting that starts to develop with people you’ve known and cared about for several years.
So, then I guess it’s sad that you can’t be with everyone all the time. It’s something everyone has pretty much accepted, but it’s still sorta sad.
my heart is caught in a net of contradiction.
ahaha. That’s so melodramatic.
I can’t seem to let myself feel what I think I should feel. And it’s because I’m afraid it’ll sting me later. I should just let loose and be free and wild, but I guess maybe the time for that has past me by, or maybe I haven’t found it yet.
There will be a time when the winds will blow and I’ll hear the call of love thumpa thumpa in my ears and I’ll know it’s my time to heed that call and let go of myself and my theories of emotion.
Yeah yeah. I can hear it, call-ing in the air to-night. ahaha.
Oh my.
We change. Life changes us.
That’s a guarantee almost as much as dying is, as morbid as that might be. But I find comfort in change. It lets me know that things can always get better. Forget the fact that things usually just get worse. Ahaha. That’s easy to forget since it’s all relative anyway. You just get used to things.
Right now, I can feel a change coming on… actually, I have felt it coming for awhile, but it doesn’t really seem to. Maybe I’m just anxious for something to change. I dunno what. I want something big in my life to change. I could just pick something and make it change, I guess. I’ll pick… my hair! I’ll color my hair. Yeah.
Coloring my hair will change my whole outlook on things.
I don’t really want to color my hair, though. Maybe I’ll change… my skin tone! That could change everything… not easy, though… and probably expensive.
I dunno. Maybe I’ll just change my mind about something. Maybe I’ll decide that Republicans really do make sense! ahaha. Yeah. That’ll fix me.