iDallas!
Delicate drizzlings
a hot affair, indeed
a miscued memory
or an anxious obsession
tick-tocking tapestries
and overbearing wall patterns
ridiculous details
or an over-powered mind
longing, oh so wanting
for a smell half as sweet
to find its way to rest near me
and madden my nova desires
Yeah, the sweet smells of nauseous obsession. Sweet. When you want something, and you think you should have it, but then it just doesn’t come. Or maybe it comes, but not with you. Or something sinister like that.
And it’s weird, because times like that are what most make me feel human. I feel very not in control of the situation. I’m just riding along on my fantasies. Or maybe on somebody else’s fantasies that I’ve just read or seen on TV.
I guess I do actually start to wonder if maybe all of this isn’t taking me anywhere… I wonder if maybe I’m really just spinning in the same circles as ever, but maybe now I’m just analyzing the holy fuck out of it. I guess maybe that might still be better, though. Maybe. Yeah. Who knows?
And I want to know what’s going on, but I just don’t have the same fight in me that I used to. Maybe I should start trying to get into trouble out on the town.
the end is coming.
haha.
pleasant thought. But I’m not really worried.
because the end of one thing is always the beginning
of another.
I only really start to get worried when there is no end in sight.
I worry that I might start to get bored, and there will be no end ever to the tedium. I guess there will always be new things to learn about, though… Technology is like that.
hahhahhaaah. Yeah.
My head is sort of swimming. I wonder if I need to eat better.
I am beating my head against this post that I have put in the ground so I would have something to lean on. It’s the truth, haha, that I base my philosophy, even more hahaha, on. The truth that’s somewhere deep inside of me.
That said. Love. Fuck that shit. Technology’s where it’s at.
Right?
No matter how much money I spend on toys, nothing can make me feel like the moment an amazing beautiful young thing catches me trying to catch her eye. Nothing.
That’s not to say that feeling is the only thing worth striving for… hardly, ahaha. No, but its just an illustration of sorts that maybe people really do grow up and maybe there really is more to life than the mechanics of the world going on around us. Maybe, just maybe, we can have a chance to think and feel alike once in awhile, and maybe, just maybe, that’s really all that matters.
As if anything really matters. ahaha.
lick
that cold post
and stay there forever
so I’ll know
that you’ll be there
when I return
If you can’t do that for me.
I don’t think I can go on to do
the things I have always wanted to do.
Because I know that I must be alone
or I will not be able to distinguish my own thoughts from yours.
But why do I care?
Why does anyone care, really? Why do I ask so many fucked up questions? ahah.
I guess this isn’t much of a laughing matter, and somehow I have managed to make the beating somewhat positive and this blessing is turning somewhat sour. Sweet old life, that is, I guess. hee.
From a friend…
Database troubles. Support troubles. Same old story. I don’t seem to care as much as I did a month ago… and it doesn’t seem to be getting worse. We’re just doing what we can.
That’s the way it goes.
Pluck my fear from my face.
Poke your anger into my back.
Do what you need to do to love me.
Make me no mind, with a pleasant disposition.
Or perhaps a convenient place to lay your head.
Or maybe the solution to everything wrong,
The bringer of all that is wonderful.
Fight with my happiness,
and wrestle with my tears.
Feel my heart wash over yours,
and forget your tombstone forever.
Alive or sad.
Life do us part.
We will worship each other,
until the sun remembers our names.
I had a really good Halloween. We had a nice party. Lots of friends, all dressed in some very nice costumes. I thought it was going to be a little difficult to get some of them to follow along, but they did it! We even finished off a keg of cider. We never finish off a keg anymore.
It took me all the next day to get out of bed, though… not because I felt sick or anything, but just because staying in bed felt like a better alternative than actually deciding what to do. I guess that’s what work is good for normally.