iDallas!I got a super-duper inspiring nice email today. I really need those emails at times like these.
I managed to get out of the building to hang out for a bit last night. The server problems had to sit and wait, but I needed a break.
here’s a poem:
sloppy joes
on my plate
I need a bun
before it’s too late!
I get some bread
white and dry
and then I stick the meat and synthetic flavoring mixture between it
and then I eat
disaster!
stupid dunderhead crackers decided to fuck our shit up.
we’ve been working constantly for a few days now to fix everything, and more things are coming up broken all the time.
this will never happen again, we’ll make sure of that. but it still sucks this time.
I can drown my sorrows in my head by turning up the music and shooting down the avenue.
I can watch the pretty girls go by and even hope I might catch a glimpse of a smile before I zip away.
I can sit and think while the sun goes down and then up again, and I can praise heaven that I can do that again the next day.
And all of this is true because I believe in hope. I believe that it really is possible for things to get better.
I have an aversion to the “real world” overall, and I tend to want to ball up when real issues come up. I know not everyone is like me, and I really do prefer it that way, but sometimes I really wonder why things can’t be simpler. I wonder why we can’t all just look for the things in life that make us happy and then go with those things. I wonder why friends and family really aren’t the most important thing overall…. or maybe just why so many people seem to forget that they really are.
It’s starting to happen.
The dark ways of the world are penetrating our small group.
I’m feeling the urge to get out, but I’m just being silly I tell myself. I’m showering myself with gifts to shut myself up… new car, new records, new Palm V. I like my new things… but what’s going on?
There’s so much number talk going on. It’s so arbitrary. Agh. This isn’t really what it’s about, is it?
I’m scared, and I want to cry. I’m lashing out and rejecting it. But I’m not really. I’m still participating in the discussions.
I guess it’s probably going a lot better than it would with most groups of people… but I’m just really displeased with the whole system or something.
I got a new car!
Shiny blue!
Vroom!
I really like it so far. This is the first time I’ve had a car newer than 9 years old. It’s the first time I’ve had a car that was from the current decade.
breaking my back
working all the time
and still nothing’s getting done
or so it seems.
Does that make me a “workaholic” or do I maybe just care about what I do?
We are going somewhere, but I’m just worried that other places are going there a whole lot faster… for whatever reason.
I think maybe we are doing things better from the start… but who knows for sure?
Progression.
The sequence of notes on the screen.
That’ll start to become an integral part of my life for awhile, I think.
Weird to think.
I’ve been avoiding using the computer for too much music stuff… I use computers for everything… but now I am starting to see why oh why people like it so. Everything is easier on a computer. Even when they suck suck suck the life right out through your frantic fingertips.
We had a nice internet broadcast session last night! 3 hours of mad DJ action. It went pretty well. We’ve got some of it recorded, so we can put it up for listening. That’ll be nice. I’ll get to that eventually.
We’re gearing up to do some more. I’d like to get a full-on weekly show going. I hope I have the time to make it something cool. I’m expecting that other people around will be up for helping out with it.
The show we did last night was for somebody else… we’ll probably continue to do that one monthly even if we don’t manage to launch one of our own.
I’ve been tired lately.
I haven’t been that into what I’m doing. It’s a hard life I have, I guess. I mean, it’s not really that hard, but I always take on more projects than I can possibly manage to get done… I need that choking feeling to feel like I’m accomplishing anything. I’ve mentioned this before, too, I guess.
I dunno. Sometimes, I just want to quit doing what I’m doing the way I’m doing it and just go to the beach and float in the water until some kind soul comes by and lifts me up and gives me a slap on the face and tells me what’s what.