rattling in my head
am I dead?
rotating reasons in my mind
what did I find?
angry enemy terrorizing me
do I care?
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Author: admin
I made some music…
Categories
Sunday:
Why can’t I just be happy?
Why do I always get hung up on all of the little things that just aren’t perfect? Will I just be chasing those magical mystical rainbows my whole life? Every step I take leads me to want something different. Another color. Something more this or more that. Not even more perfect… just more something else.
It’d almost be somehow easier to manage if it were perfection I’m looking for… at least then I could just mark it up to me being silly and move on with my life… but as it is, it just feels like maybe there really is something else out there drawing me ever onward.
Things are definitely starting to shape up around here… the playroom now has a nice new ping-pong table to go with the pool table… as well as a fancy new dart board! Woo. I haven’t had a chance to play darts in forever! I played a little bit today… I think I’m gonna really get into it… Dartmasterdom, here I come!
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Thursday:
I want everyone to do their thing.
And I want everyone to have everything they need.
And I want to give whatever I can to help…
But some people just don’t respect what they have available to them. Some people just think everything’s going to go well no matter what we do. That might be true, but assuming so seems a little risky to me.
Ministry at the Palladium was a bit of an experience. I decided to make it a little more lively by adding a couple of six and a half dollar long island ice teas into the mix. The floor wasn’t as aggressive as it was for Tool at the Palladium, but it was still a nice mixture of sweat and bellowing men and women. Good show!
I haven’t really enjoyed much of Ministry’s more recent music, but it was still interesting to hear them put their hearts and souls into what they were doing. That’s what all professional musicians do, right? That’s why everyone wants to be one?
Anyway, even their old stuff sort of sounded like their new stuff… all grindy and bass-heavy with Al screeching over the top.
Overall, good show!
I came back bleeding from the chin, with a sore ear and a sweat-drenched shirt.
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Monday:
I did a new Special Sauce the other day. I forgot to mention it earlier.
Go check it out. It’s some sort of an excuse/apology for the flippant content I’ve been putting out lately. I’ve had a lot on my mind, I think.
I suppose I always have a lot on my mind, but lately, I’ve been struggling with some new territory. I’m starting to really put some thought into figuring out how to build a workable large-scale community situation that can interact with the world as a whole, but still internally can function outside of the normally accepted boundaries.
I believe it is possible, and I am not the only person thinking about this sort of thing. Now, I must just figure out how I might caress a group of people into agreeing with me.
And I must make some music while I’m at it!
I am struggling with my own advice.
Should I follow it?
Or can I safely ignore it and then trust myself in the future?
The problem I have is that I can’t quite figure out how to
assess a situation I am involved in accurately.
I am pretty good at looking at other people and things and making clever observations, but I just can’t seem to do that for myself.
And should I be able to? I try to be objective and look at myself and my life as just another idea for pondering, but it just doesn’t work that way.
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Thursday:
I fiddled with a dumb emagic sound card for many hours yesterday and today and eventually decided that something is goofy with it… I don’t know if it’s broken or if it just sucks, but it’s really noisy. I’m glad I figured it out, but I wish it hadn’t taken me 10 or so hours of tinkering to arrive at that conclusion.
I could have been making music all that time!
And now I’m going to take it back and spend more money to get the thing I should have gotten in the first place! Argh.
I went to Siggraph today and looked at lots of neato computer video editing, computer graphics, and just general nifty cool things. I saw a new BeOS demo and some neato new software coming out for Be… including the unreleased Bryce 4! Woo!
It was sorta fun… and I got away from the office for a bit. The office is pretty busy sometimes. I need to get motivated and do something now that I’ve taken a break, though!