Some people came over last night to listen to some music. They were not my friends, but I still expected them to be reasonably cool.
Then some of them stole a laptop and a cell phone from us. Fuckers.
Categories
Author: admin
I bought a new red bongo today! I am now free to hang out in hip clubs and spew out poetry off the top of my head and (you guessed it!) play my bongo!
Categories
Wednesday:
I’m listening to this song that says, “She’s my addiction.” over and over. Addiction. What an interesting thing.
I’ve been feeling like I’m missing something lately. I’ve been pondering what that something might be. There are a lot of things that people are commonly missing without realizing it. One of those things is love, I guess. Everybody needs love. We are a social species. I am a social person on top of that. Sometimes, anyway.
The thing is that I believe I do get quite a lot of love and attention. For some reason, I can’t get enough though. I want so much.
I do a lot of things for other people, too. At least I seem to think I do. I guess maybe I might just say that hoping people will give me that attention I’m looking for.
But this isn’t really a new topic for me, either. I’ve been talking about this for awhile. I think I’m actually making some progress with this. I haven’t really dwelled on myself so long for awhile. It’s easy for me to forget about myself all day long. Then the night comes and I find myself thinking about all the things I’ve done all day and wondering why I don’t feel fulfilled.
I’m starting to think that maybe I might also be missing some real concept of spirituality in my life. I have been gradually becoming as spiritual as I know how to be… I guess maybe there might be more possible, but I don’t really know what it might be. Maybe I really should be looking for someone else to lead me in that direction. Maybe.
The NDN Summer Employee Workshop is going well. We have opened up our offices and have 13 people working here this week. We have grown from 4 of us to 13 so quickly. We’re struggling with the whole management thing. We’re doing ok, though.
I always want more for us, but I can’t complain about too much these days. I wish I had more time, but that’s my own fool fault.
Categories
Sunday:
a truffle
a shuffle
a moan and a gruff word
a slap
a giggle
an ooh and an ahah ahhh.
a worm
a wiggle
a 9-month waiting list
a peep
a cry
a worthwhile pain
An explosion is caused by the collision of two minds, each bent on triumph. A roar and an aaarrrgh, and the clash of cold steel.
This warrior stands alone, and no crowd is there to watch. The rich smell of blood hangs heavy in the damp air, and the only sound is the sizzle of ancient electric lines, conduits of power long misunderstood.
Categories
Saturday:
There will soon be more people working and thriving around me. That will really help motivate me and help me see the good things that are going on around me…
I know that some of the things I have helped create are good things, but I want so so much more. I wonder if I just want things for the sake of wanting. I know that is probably the case.
But how do I break out of something like that? I guess I will just think it through like I have always done, but that is such a difficult process. Why do I find life so terribly painful? I try to avoid things I consider to be “real life” as much as I can… I try to set things up in new and different ways all the time so I don’t start to feel like I’m just doing things like everyone else.
I have a morbid fear that if I follow in someone else’s footsteps, I will end up making the same mistakes that every other person has up to now.
I know there must be some mistakes that every person has made, because I know there are some things that are wrong.
There’s been more personal conflicts lately… it’s starting to wear me down a bit. I’m starting to pull back a bit. I’m starting to think it doesn’t really matter and I don’t need to be involved. I can just do my thing.
I think I’m trying to help us create a solid work environment, but maybe I’m just being nit-picky, as I have been accused of.
It’s starting to tear down some of my walls, which maybe is a good thing in the long run, but I’m feeling some of my bleeding heart start to pour out. I don’t know if I’m ready for a season of introspection like that.
I’m starting to think I will seek some extra companionship to fill in the gaps… I think I have some gaps that need filling.
Categories
Thursday:
Life is so hard… everyone wants things and everyone wants to be with certain people, and unfortunately those things don’t always all work out… you have to make some sacrifices. I feel like I really want to put my own personal goals as very high priorities, but I’m starting to wonder if I can really make it without some more significant emotional support in my life…
It’s a compromise of sorts… an adult relationship is a very complex thing… if you look at it analytically. What it really comes down to is that analyzes every little thing will never ever lead to happiness. Never.
Science is not about being happy. Science is not about being anything really. Art’s not really about being happy, either, but happy is in there. Who wants to be happy all the time, anyway?
I don’t… that’s for sure… but I would like to be happy once in awhile.
Oh my gosh! We have DSL at the new office building. We have a fast network connection… we can actually maybe get some real work done!
Also, I’m reasonably happy. The new environment has really perked me up quite a bit. I have a nice view of a lot of city stuff… lots of warehouses and stuff.
Also, I bought a new mixer. I’m gonna play records like there’s no tomorrow now. I do hope there really is a tomorrow, though.