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really old

Friday:

I’ve noticed that there hasn’t been much difference between my blessings and my
beatings lately. That’s sort of weird. I usually start either one with the idea
that I am actually going to stick to the topic category at hand, but then somewhere
during my meandering thoughts something weird happens and everything just goes to poop.
I hope you don’t mind. I’m still irritated by some Australian nincompoop (is that
how you spell that?) who sent me a weird email. Man. You don’t want my life.

And that’s good, because I don’t want yours, either.

We checked out a new spot for a party happening tomorrow night. It’s an industrial space.
Oh my, I want to get my own industrial space. There was so much room! I want
to get a big open room, with some smaller partitioned off rooms for personal stuff, and
I want to have a big jungle gym in the middle of it! I want to be able to climb around
on the junge gym whenever I want… Oh my. I’m so looking forward to that.


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Friday:

I was thinking about the human race, and I was thinking about animal species as a whole
and I was thinking about evolution as I understand it, and I was thinking about how
downright stupid humans seem sometimes. But then, I was thinking about how if any
person or thing makes the same mistake twice, then they pretty much deserve whatever’s
coming to them. So… if the human race does make the same mistake twice, then we’re
doomed for sure. I don’t think we have repeated any mistakes, though.

That’s why whenever something is described as the this-or-that of the 90’s, then
I think it’s a bunch of hog wash. A good example would be like calling ecstasy the
cocaine of the 90’s … A lot of people think that there was a lot of cocaine use
in the 70’s and 80’s and there probably was. There is also probably a lot of cocaine
use now, too. Some people probably think that Cocaine is one of those things
that will lead to the utter damnation of the human race, and it may be. That’s all
good, but calling something else the Cocaine of the 90’s is a bunch of crap. Call it
whatever you want, but come up with some new way to describe it. Loser.

Categories
really old

Thursday:

This is a happy day. It’s happy because I have decided it is. I got a creepy email
from some guy, though. I’m not sure how to feel about it. It made me feel all funny,
like I had been abused. I guess the attention is ok, though… wait, this is a happy day.
Join the new mailing list to find out more about that. Happy.
Happy.

I’m not sure how I feel about people who spit outside. Why can’t they just swallow
their spit like everybody else? It’s people like that who force those generous,
caring law-makers to make evil, restrictive laws. Don’t those people know they’re
ruining things for everyone? What a bunch of happy crackers.

If this was hard to digest, try mixing it with the new
Special Sauce.

Thursday:

I fear that I have been a little down lately. I’m not sure why I would be, though.
I have nothing much to be down about. I guess I have nothing much to be much of
anything about, though. I suppose that’s enough to get you down all by itself. I
am not unhappy. I have a lot of freedom to do pretty much whatever I want to do. I
write more email every day than most people get in a week. You don’t want to know
how much I get. (hint: Sage gets more. )
Anyway, though, this isn’t about me. Or, rather it isn’t about my email.
This is about things that are vitally more important to the sanitation of the country.
Or, rather the sanity of the country. Have I gone off the deep end?

Aiieeee…. try the new Special Sauce.

Categories
really old

Wednesday:

Aargh. I wish sometimes that feeling had a more intense word associated with it.
It’s that feeling that makes you want to grit your teeth and turn your hands into
claws and look up into the sky and open your eyes wide and silently scream with
all your might. It’s that feeling that no matter what you do and no matter how
long and hard you try, you will not be able to change what has happened or
what will happen. It’s that feeling you get when something you have
spent your whole life creating is going to be killed in the name of progress or
worse, profit. It’s that feeling that I feel when I try to figure out how to heal
the woes of the world without killing myself along the way. What good can I do if I’m
dead? What good can I do if I’m alive? I may as well just quit now. Aargh.

Wednesday:

I have been thinking about some really wonderful people that have been in my life.
I wish that everyone that was wonderful could stay in my life forever, but things just
don’t work that way. I guess I can always take some comfort in the fact that those
wonderful people once thought enough of me to be close to me for some length of time.

I have this problem where I assume that the feelings I have for one person are pretty
much exactly reciprocated. That works well for my confidence and my ego, but things
just don’t work that way, either. Each person is in such a different place from
every other person. We are all so isolated and alone inside our own heads and our own
imaginations. We can only hope to scratch the very surface of the very tip of that
iceberg some people call the human pysche. We can try to write things down and
spit things out and we can do that until we are red and blue in the face and still
we won’t be able to really understand what it is that makes us feel the need
to say “I Love You.”

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really old

Tuesday:

Something I can always take comfort in is that fact that no matter how messed up
the rest of the things in the world get, there will always be more good music for me to
find and listen to and ingest. There will always be new moods that I haven’t experienced
and new feelings I have yet to explore. On top of that, I can at least hope that there
will also always be new people for me to explore and discover. As long as I have
continuous new input, I can manage to almost forget about everything I don’t like
to think about. I guess that’s why people like Heroin.

Don’t forget to look at this week’s Weekly Shine.
It’s not too depressing at all.

Tuesday:

I saw some major national network television news program tonight. It was about
this girl who had so much pent-up pain and anger in her than she couldn’t deal with
it and she cut herself as some sort of release. Overall, she seemed to be doing ok at
the end of it all, but it still made me think about some fucked up stuff. I was
thinking about the amount of pain in the world and how one little sliver of pain
can shoot through and sour a whole lot of love. It’s like when you’re mixing paints.
It takes a whole lot of white paint to lighten a color up, but it only takes a little dash
of black to make it darker. Pain is like the black paint. A little bit
of it can really mess up your day. That sounds like an awfully poetic thought, but
I try to stay away from things like that because they remind me why it seems reasonable
to be depressed all the time.

Categories
really old

Sunday/Monday:

Today was spent among a group of interesting people. Time was passed drinking beer,
watching TV, cooking, and spinning yarns. It was an interesting group of people with an
even more interesting level of diversity between them.
I guess that’s what you can find in these parts. Diversity. It’s something that
you don’t miss until you’ve had it around you. Once you’ve had a really solid taste of
it, you just can’t go back, though. I guess I’m glad about that.

Sunday/Monday:

I really can’t stand the draw football has on my fellow Americans. I think it’s a fine
and dandy sport, but it is definitely a boys’ game. Accent on the game.
I don’t know how people can sit and watch it all day. Game after game. I think it’s a
national obsession. What does it provide that people seem to be missing? Excitement?

Maybe we need to work on making our work lives a little more exciting. Maybe some
contact near the copy machine or around the water cooler. A little tackle or two
never hurt anybody…