I saw some major national network television news program tonight. It was about
this girl who had so much pent-up pain and anger in her than she couldn’t deal with
it and she cut herself as some sort of release. Overall, she seemed to be doing ok at
the end of it all, but it still made me think about some fucked up stuff. I was
thinking about the amount of pain in the world and how one little sliver of pain
can shoot through and sour a whole lot of love. It’s like when you’re mixing paints.
It takes a whole lot of white paint to lighten a color up, but it only takes a little dash
of black to make it darker. Pain is like the black paint. A little bit
of it can really mess up your day. That sounds like an awfully poetic thought, but
I try to stay away from things like that because they remind me why it seems reasonable
to be depressed all the time.
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Tuesday:
Something I can always take comfort in is that fact that no matter how messed up
the rest of the things in the world get, there will always be more good music for me to
find and listen to and ingest. There will always be new moods that I haven’t experienced
and new feelings I have yet to explore. On top of that, I can at least hope that there
will also always be new people for me to explore and discover. As long as I have
continuous new input, I can manage to almost forget about everything I don’t like
to think about. I guess that’s why people like Heroin.
Don’t forget to look at this week’s Weekly Shine.
It’s not too depressing at all.
I really can’t stand the draw football has on my fellow Americans. I think it’s a fine
and dandy sport, but it is definitely a boys’ game. Accent on the game.
I don’t know how people can sit and watch it all day. Game after game. I think it’s a
national obsession. What does it provide that people seem to be missing? Excitement?
Maybe we need to work on making our work lives a little more exciting. Maybe some
contact near the copy machine or around the water cooler. A little tackle or two
never hurt anybody…
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Sunday/Monday:
Today was spent among a group of interesting people. Time was passed drinking beer,
watching TV, cooking, and spinning yarns. It was an interesting group of people with an
even more interesting level of diversity between them.
I guess that’s what you can find in these parts. Diversity. It’s something that
you don’t miss until you’ve had it around you. Once you’ve had a really solid taste of
it, you just can’t go back, though. I guess I’m glad about that.
I think about God sometimes. I usually don’t use a capital G when I talk about her/him,
though. I usually take the sacrilegious route and use the lowercase g to show my
feelings. How would you all like it if I suddenly wanted everyone to call me Human?
I don’t think it’s fair for one being to just take over a word like that. It’s downright
rude. God is one rude mother. And that’s the blessed truth.
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Saturday:
We vacuumed our house today! That might not seem like something to rejoice about, but
I assure you it is. We have lived here for something like 14 or 15 months and we had
never vacuumed until today. Never. We don’t own a vacuum cleaner. We had to
borrow one from the neighbors. I feel good about this move. I think it’ll really
help to bring us together as a family-like people-structure.
I got some stuff done yesterday, yay! I’m still feeling the burn of a long week, though.
It wasn’t as hard as a hard week working for someone else, but it was
still tiring. I’ve been going to bed dead-tired every night. It’s fortunate that
I can sleep as long as I want, though. Lucky me.
Oh hey! I have a thought! Why is it that people get so hung up about things that are
super unimportant? Why do people have this idea that things like cars and what kind
of cheese you eat makes you different from other people? What makes people think
that someone who is different is someone that should be avoided? Why do people have
this urge to crawl into their own little ball and only touch up against other
people nearby that are all in their own little balls, too? Why? why? (why)
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Friday:
Do you ever see somebody when you’re out walking about or out dancing or out
mowing the lawn or out having a smoothie or whatever that just makes you
turn your head and look? You know, those people that instantaneously redefine
your concept of what it means to be sexy or alluring or cute or babealicious? Sometimes,
you might not even realize what has happened to you until a few days later when
you find yourself still thinking about that mystical person. Well, I just saw
one of those people in a club the other night. She was on the verge of beautiful
and hot at the same time, but there were still some noticeable flaws about her. It’s the
flaws that always get you. She also didn’t seem to care all that much about what was
going on around her. At first, I thought she wanted to leave, but then she started
dancing with some boy pretty hot-n-heavy and she seemed to like that… I did, anyway!
Ok. Enough with my blabbing.
Oh, my! I’ve been busy the past couple of days. I’ve been having trouble getting
anything done. That’s always a sign that I’m working on too many things at once… I’m
overtaxed. I need to start getting some things done instead. I’ve even been neglected
my adoring fans. Poor you.
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Thursday:
I took back a couple of the things that I had bought during a buying spree of mine
the other week. That was a good feeling. I felt a bit guilty about spending so
much money and this helps somewhat. It shows that I really was only buying those things
to see if what I wanted to do would work… when I found out it didn’t work, I didn’t get
lazy and just keep the stuff. Nope! I took it back like a good boy. Yay me.