Believe it or not, nothing’s wrong with the world today. The minutes just keep ticking
by and I don’t have a care in the world. Check back with me tomorrow. Or check the
archive.
Categories
Cult Leader Day:
Today, I will talk about the Global Cult of iDallas (G-COID). iDallas likes
certain things, and those things have been designated by the G-COID as ways
to gain favor and possibly be accepted into the inner ring. Here they
are, in no particular order.
- speaking your mind
- listening to PJ Harvey
- hosting a telethon
- shaving places that most people don’t (yowza!)
- owning squirt guns
- robbing a bank with a squirtgun (not my bank, though)
- buying, but not eating peeps
- doodling
- talking to yourself
- motivating other people
- Visiting the idallas.com website!
Categories
Friday:
Cult Leader Day:
Today, I will talk about the Global Cult of iDallas (G-COID). iDallas has pet peeves,
and those things have been designated by the G-COID as deadly sins. Here they
are, in no particular order.
- not signalling while driving
- laughing at things that aren’t funny
- talking about things that aren’t even worth doing
- driving a yellow economy car
- wasting my time
- lying
- being infectiously perky (not really, but I really want to not like those people…)
- making fun of other people
- not using your brain before you speak
- not using your brain after you speak
- eating meat without consideration
dolphin fantasy day:
Some days I think about her. She had beautiful smooth skin. I could sit there and
stroke her for hours, but only a couple, and then she had to go back into the water.
See, she was a dolphin. That might sound strange, but it was love, and we both knew it.
I could tell she liked the way I touched her. Don’t get the wrong idea… I never tried
anything funny with her. She always knew exactly what she was getting herself into.
In fact, it was usually her idea. She was such a spunky girl. I hope she still is.
It’d be a shame for the world to lose a girl like that.
Whereever you are, my beautiful girl, have a peaceful night in whatever dark ocean
waters you find yourself. Rest well.
Categories
Thursday:
dolphin nightmare day:
So. I’m just laying there, right? Soaking in some sun, watching the girls’ butts as
they go by. Suddenly I hear something really weird… sort of squeaky and sort of
grunty and wet at the same time. It was a strange thing to be hearing in the middle of
the morning, and I got pretty annoyed about it… I got so annoyed in fact, that I decided
to do something about it. I was going to give whoever it was a piece of my mind…
Just watch me.
So I got up to take a look at what I was facing, but as I got up and regained my bearings,
I realized the sound had stopped. I looked around for anybody or anything that might
be the cause of the hideous sound, but all I could see was a skinny white guy and
a dolphin wearing a bikini. Now, that’s something you don’t see every day.
I’m glad my car doesn’t have just one of it’s popup headlights stuck up.
I just bought a midi controller keyboard so I could use it with my computer and
this cool program for BeOS called
ObjektSynth. It’s pretty cool. It makes
some really cool noises. It’s enough to satisfy some cravings I get some nights.
Also, I learned today that dolphins are very sexual animals and sometimes they get kind
of frisky when they’re around people. They rub against them and swim between their legs
and stuff like that. Also, they have very smooth skin that feels really neat, and
it’s quite a thrill for the people involved. That makes me happy.
Categories
Wednesday:
So. Now my car is turning against me, too. It’s an aging Acura Integra, and is pretty
ugly most of the time, but in a very endearing sort of way, you know? Anyway, unlike
the new ones with those stupid little round headlights, it has good ol’ popup headlights.
They’re up when I need them, and down when I don’t. Simple, right?
Perfectly so… until now. The stupid thing (a naughty word came to my mind
to describe it, but I’m restraining myself) won’t put it’s lights down now. It’s
decided it kind of likes having them up all the time. Isn’t that a pisser? Cars
with their popup headlights up during the day look straight-up dumb. Nothing else
can be said. The only thing worse is when a car only has one popup headlight
up. That’s worse. At least my car has a little more style than that.
Today, I found myself waiting for somebody. Waiting is a bit of an annoyance.
There are some good things to it, though. It’s like wasted time that you can blame
on somebody else. You can use that time to do some things you had been sort of trying to
make some time to do… hopefully you don’t find yourself waiting somewhere where
you can’t really do anything like a hospital waiting room or something, ick.
Think of it as tax-free time.
So what did I do? Well, I checked out some web sites… Most notably one that
has already gotten a lot of attention and doesn’t need a low-life like me to toot its
fruit, but here it is: spacegirl.org
It’s run by a dope girl with a dope outlook on things. dope
Categories
Tuesday:
Computers suck sometimes. If people even knew half of what we put into keeping
Dreambook alive and kicking …
they’d gladly pay us twice as much… (2×0=…0)
Anyway. It scares me when dumb people are in charge of important stuff. And that
seems to happen everywhere I look. But I guess who am I to say that they’re dumb, right?
Yeah, but who are they to say that stuff is important, anyway? It’s not really that
important when you really look at it… and then
maybe I guess they’re not really so dumb after all, either.
Well, that got us nowhere.
Those freaking atheist liberal libertarian pinko communist bastards stole another one
of my ideas again. I’m so irate that I don’t even remember which one or where I saw it,
but boy was it ever a good one.
fuck a duck
You can’t even come up with an idea these days without some knucklehead with a Range
Rover stealing it and paying for his subscription to GQ with it.