iDallas!Back from Sunny Seattle! Rock music still reigns up there, I think. In a good way.
I’m in some sort of strange readjustment phase now. My room felt strange when I first
walked in… It didn’t fit like a glove anymore… 3 weeks away is enough for that to
happen. I spent today doing a little decorating, adding some more cardboard shelves,
throwing away some unnecessary clutter. That was nice. The room is happy with me now.
Wednesday:
I’m off onto a new leg of my journey through life today. I’m a little excited and a little
anxious and nervous. I’m heading back to the Wild World of Los Angeles to begin my new life
as a self-employed powerful executive. The fates of thousands of people will be my responsibility.
I don’t know if I am up to the task, but I will do my best. My next update will be done from
my office back at home. I’ll be saying Au Revoir to this iMac that has been my friend for the last
three weeks. Au Revoir, iMac.
I hope my chances of making it back into my home territory without much trouble are good. The
airport authorities will undoubtedly be looking out for me. A mind like mine does not pass through
without attention. I’ll have to try to shield myself from their inquisitive inspections. I’ll
surely wear my aluminum underwear. I’ll also attempt to make myself resemble some sort of spiritual
follower. I’ll shave my hair all over except for a small snippet out of the back which I will braid
and grow down to my butt. Maybe that will be too much. Maybe I’ll just wear my beret and draw
on a french moustache. That ought to fool them.
Tuesday:
Halloween Costume Ideas (good ones):
Halloween Costume Ideas (bad ones):
The world is crumbling around me. I can picture this hyper-dramatic, most-likely animated scene
of the earth crumbling all around me as I sit in my chair and type on my keyboard and stare into
my cathode ray tube computer monitor. All that would remain is a towering pillar of earth and
rock, with the roots of age-old trees sticking out here and there, freshly splintered like toothpicks
and me balanced perilously on top sitting on my small fold-up chair behind
my little computer desk and my Performance biking gloves.
I would be typing so feverishly that I wouldn’t even notice what was going on around me as the sun
fell behind a huge mass of deep red and grey clouds and the earth was consumed by a fierce fire.
I would be safe, miles above the pits of molten lava and debris where all the rest of humanity
was perishing at the hands of their own wanton self-hatred. And then I would feel a tap on my
shoulder and I wouldn’t notice at first and then I would feel a stronger, more insistent tap on
my shoulder and I would stop typing and the clickety-clacking that was covering up the sounds of
torment around me would stop and I would turn around to look up into the eyes of a loving and caring
demon and I would forget all about this madness I know now.
Sunday/Monday:
I am having the time of my life running through the fields of my desire and wishing that everybody
could explore their own feelings as deeply and intently as I can. I have this almost tactile
relationship with every thought and whim that forms deep in the pit I call my brain. I suppose
some people don’t believe that things like whims form in your brain. I guess some people might think
they form somewhere deeper than physical science has been able to uncover. I’m not really one
of those people. I’m perfectly happy thinking things like whims form in your brain.
So there are these whims in my brain forming into little creatures with their own sorts of feelings
and ways of moving around and interacting with one another. Some of them are whiny and easilly
satiated. Some of them have deeper needs and require a lot of attention and a careful touch. Such
is the way with whims.
Saturday:
I just got some Performance biking gloves. They make a great difference while I’m typing. They
keep my hands stiff so I don’t have to worry about poor form. I just type and the words glide
out like melted butter down my buttcrack (pardon my crudity!). I think I’m probably typing
at least twice as fast now, maybe even faster, and my accuracy has gone through the roof! This
is the best addition to my computer setup that I’ve gotten since that computer desk I talked about
awhile ago (which is still doing a great job, by the way). I highly suggest you go out
and pick up a pair of Performance biking gloves today. Most sporting good stores should have them.
I can’t stand watching people inject things. I can’t stand it on TV, and I can’t stand it in
movies, and I can’t stand it in person. I always have to have other people inject all my drugs for
me. No, I’m kidding. I don’t use injection drugs, silly! And I’m not afraid of needles. I like big
needles like the ones they use to pierce people. I love those! I just don’t like it when
people stick a needle right into their neck just to get high and forget about the world. Ick.
Fan-Mail Day:
Dear iDallas,
I used to think your site was pretty funny, but then you started droning on and on about
your stupid, FUCKING, boring life. I don’t want to hear about somebody else’s boring life.
Don’t you think that my life is just as stupid and FUCKING boring as yours is? Well, it is.
I look to you and people like you for some sort of soemthing different and interesting, as
opposed to stupid, FUCKING, and boring. I know it is your site (albeit stupid and FUCKING boring),
and it does say on the front page that it’s just for you, but still… I think that someone
with all of your obvious talent could do something better. Could you please just try?
Even more Bored than Before,
Joe-Bob
also, new thing in special sauce as of the 29th