Friday:

It’s not really so bad to dislike people is it? If they deserve it? I don’t really think so… dislike is just that… the opposite of like. Hate is another issue altogether. And we don’t want to think about that.

But does not thinking about something really make it go away?… well, maybe. If everyone stops thinking about something, then it will indeed be gone as part of the human thought-tank. That’s the utopian thing, I guess.

Don’t worry. Be content.
And love two things for every one thing you dislike.

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really old

Friday:

Some things will never cease to fascinate and amaze me. I can feel good knowing that. No matter what else goes on, there will always be things that will still give me simple delight.

And as I grow up and the world around destroys itself, or maybe just as my naive impression of the world does that, those simple delights will become increasingly important to me. And I will have to hold onto them.

The look in some people’s eyes goes so deep… and so far. And I wonder if they are seeing as deeply into me and I wonder if I am really seeing what I think I see… and I don’t know what it all means, but I have hope.

Thursday:

Today was a weird day.
It was nice and sunny, and I went to Santa Monica after shopping for some normal clothes. The shopping was pretty easy and I got some much needed clothing.
Santa Monica was all hectic because somebody was standing on the tippy top of a tall parking garage and threatening to jump… they closed a major street for like 4 hours or something. That made things more crazy than normal.

While all that was going on, I went on a wild goose chase and ended up the same as I started. When I came back, a weird fog had rolled in. Creepy.

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really old

Thursday:

I got out and about today.
I bought some nice solid colored clothing.

I was also up all day, during the day, while the sun was out… and I even went outside for quite a lot of it. Well… I was in my car anyway.

Fun club stuff last night. Drum n bass all in your face and down your spine and into your toes.

Sunday:

We had a really great party last night.
Good amount of people. No dunderheads doing anything to mess things up. Good sound.

But we lost loads of money. Der.
It happens. It’s easier to deal with when the party itself was cool, too.

It was an unlucky date or something. We had to make some last minute changes, and it made some small issues bigger issues.

And boy am I tired today.

Categories
really old

Sunday:

I’ve had the sound of the rain to keep me company all day. It’s a nice sound. It’s soothing. I wish my head wasn’t so heavy so I could maybe appreciate it more.

Things are going well, but it feels like my grip is slipping. It’s that moment right before you let go of something heavy and it crashes down. There’s a moment where you have time to do something, but you are paralyzed by the knowledge that there is nothing you can do.

I should just be happy for what I have.
For some reason, I can’t be, though. I always want more. I see things and I want them. It’s how I know I’m alive, I think.

Maybe it really is all about love. Maybe. Maybe.

Saturday:

intimacy and compassion are undeniable assets.
with riches such as that, everything else will fall in line
the jesters and firebreathers of the world will beg
to help create the world for you

Categories
really old

Saturday:

Cigarette smoke is gross!
Why do people sit around in a room and just smoke and smoke?
It gets all in your clothes and makes everything smell 1000 years old.

I keep thinking that I am going to have to start smoking so I can understand it. The smoke probably won’t bother me as much then, either.

And now I’m moving into a building with 3 or 4 other smokers. Geez.

Wednesday:

I’m a very demanding friend. I expect a lot from people. Not so much from people I don’t know, but once I start to feel comfortable with someone, I don’t like anything to jeopardize that comfort zone. I need as many comfortable emotional spots as I can get…

When someone does something that goes against how I want that person to be… it gets in the way of my comfort. Often, it does lead to a more developed relationship, but sometimes I feel like I can’t deal with it all.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m a whiney dope, too.

Categories
really old

Wednesday:

I got a message from someone who will have lived 10,000 days on Jan 1, 2000.

If that isn’t special, I don’t know what is.