Category: really old

I like to be in a group of people… I like to feel like I’m a part of something.

I like to… but it’s sort of depressing sometimes, too. I see the people around me, and I think they will have something to offer me emotionally… I think I might be able to get something out of associating with them… but then they turn out to be just another bunch of idiots.

It’s easy for me to just assume they are idiots and not get to know them… sure, that’s easy. But I believe that I really would like to get to know them sometimes…. I believe I might. But then, I just don’t.

Some people really are idiots, right?
And it’s not their fault for following the norm, is it? Isn’t that just what you’re supposed to do?

Why is it that it’s no big deal to see a woman naked? I guess that’s sort of obvious, right? Something about desensitization?

But why is it that most men can’t stand to see an “ugly” woman naked? Or more to the point… why can’t men admit that they are not actually disgusted by the sight of an ugly woman naked? It’s not really that disgusting, is it? It’s just another person with no clothing. You don’t have to feel sexually attracted to every naked person you see…

Do you really have to make a big deal out of it and act like the man in front of the boys?

Can you not just look away? Why do you have to make a comment?

Happy birthday idallas.com!

yesterday was the one year anniversary of your favorite website.

I had a web phenomenon with the idallacam brand webcam.

Unfortunately, Simon and Josh took the camera to make a movie in Venice Beach, so the web cam phenomenon ended early!

It was back up again for a little while tonight. Check back often!

When I have something to think about and feel good about, I am a whole lot more productive… there starts to be some sort of a rhyme to everything I do… everything bounces around off of everything else and the momentum builds.

It’s like pinball or something.
I could use more pinball in my life… maybe I should buy a pinball machine maybe.

I put my brain and body through the proverbial wringer a little too often, sometimes, I think. Somehow I managed to get through most of today with only 1 and a half hours of sleep… and now I’m up again after a 4 or so hour nap.

I do fantasize about managing to live this way all the time, though… It seems like it might be possible… especially if you have enough things to keep you busy (and I do).

But, then, whenever I sort of try to do it a little… I find myself getting tired and gradually slowing down… I think maybe it’s a reaction to the conflict of my schedule and the normal world time schedule. I try to just do what I want and/or need to do when I need to do it, but I do also have to do things for other people so some effort has to be made to merge schedules…

It works out, but I have to sleep more than maybe I would have to in a completely free-form situation.

Dealing with other people’s whims and wants is so difficult. And other people do have whims and wants, don’t they?

For every decision, there is always an equal and opposite opposition. When you’re growing up, it’s easy to wonder why we’re not farther along as a species… and then you start working and notice that most people don’t have any real ambition or plan for the future…

People have no goals. They want to buy this or that or get laid or get drunk or whatever, but what do they really want to do?

Do they want to make some change in the world around them? Or even just make the world more beautiful?

I guess maybe I might be being a little hard on people. It is difficult to get up in the morning and go to work and do the whole life thing and still have time and energy left over to be a hero.

But I guess it’s sort of a cycle because you wouldn’t have to be a hero to change the world if everyone just worked together… one person alone has to be might strong to move a river.

It seems as if I somehow forgot to do a beating for this day.

I am glad to have people around me offering their support and guidance. I really do look up to a lot of the people I know. They manage to figure out so many things that I just can’t bring myself to think about.

I have such a tender heart and a tender mind. I don’t want to have to think too many hard thoughts. I know I’ll have to deal with a lot of things in my lifetime, but I have patience… I want to be prepared. I guess I’m scared.
I’m a baby.
crying softly to myself and then screaming and then crying some more…

Most of the time lately, I’ve been trying to just keep things to myself, though, because I’m starting to worry that I’m just wasting everyone’s time. I’m not really making anything better… so I might as well just not worry and do what I need to do to let myself forget all the bad and embrace the rhythms and the melodies and the rhymes.

the authorities.
in control.
kickin’ your shit.
all over hell and back.

And they expect respect.
they expect admiration and cooperation.

when they are the cause of every problem.

it’s a tough job, right?
and some niggaz gotta do it.
or do they?

I got an interesting comment from a reader today:

Hi there I look at your photograph on web site i feel you very ugly
perhaps most ugly person who live. perhaps you try to look normal it
look like you put needles in you veins and get up. i read some of your
material and let me say it very bad and stinks! you have no brains in
fact i feel sorry for you!!! you try to be very cool but you really just
stupid and a no body.. please remove you web site from internet as it is making mess of world wide web . thank you

I couldn’t put it better myself!